Yesterday was my sweet kinder's first day of school! No, she did not wear anything that I made her. lol! I've taught them the art of the second hand store as well and we're all Value Village and Goodwill junkies now. Here she is putting her backpack in her locker. Bestill my heart. sigh.
I had a bit of a breakdown. I was the mom in the hallway sobbing. I have found myself doing that a lot lately. There's a lot of emotion still pouring out of this girl right now! Anyway, I was sobbing in the hallway. Here's the story:
I ASS-umed I'd be able to stay with her in the morning for a few minutes since that is how it worked with Miss Mia's kinder teacher. Another piece of the story is that we (Cannon) didn't get the same teacher Mia had. Which we (I) wanted. The other teachers really are truly fabulous. I just didn't want change. I liked it the way it was and I wanted it to be the same. And blah blah blah about me... for now.
Cannon was a bit thrown off when I couldn't stay with her. I could see we were either in for a total meltdown or, not, but I had no way of knowing which way it was going to go down. I just had to quickly walk her in, say goodbye, give her some big hugs, kisses and bubbly supportive words and off I went with an "I'll be here for lunchtime!". Two minutes later she was up in front of the classroom introducing herself with the biggest smile on her face, the stress of moments before totally forgotten. And I was in the hallway sobbing and throwing a temper tantrum of monumental tantrums. In my head at least.
On the outside I was just whimpering a little, but in my head I was stamping my feet, banging my hands on the lockers and screaming, I WANT IN! I WANT TO STAY! I WANT TO BE WITH HER EVERY SINGLE MORNING. I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I WANT IT NOW WHETHER ITS GOOD FOR ME (or her) OR NOT! and beneath that was this slight little voice, saying, you know this is best, you know she is fine, you know you need to get your arse home and work every day and not be here bugging your baby who is completely fine without you.
I needed an outlet and I had options. This is what I came up with:
1. I can go home and watch all of Season 1 Project Catwalk which is the UK version of Project Runway that I just got my hands on and eat ice cream and candy bars all day. Oh, the joy of getting my hot little hands on Project Catwalk episodes!!! But somehow this seems like a huge waste of time on my first fine day with both kids at school.
2. Go to Costco. Yay. Said with my most doldrum voice possible. Maybe I could do laundry all day too. And clean bathrooms. That should cheer me up.
3. Run on the treadmill for hours on end. THIS was a big contender. I love my treadmill and I've been neglecting her. I ran for months during the Summer of Stacie (which I'll get to in future posts) to fit into a pink bridesmaid dress and it worked! Until I brought home the rest of the wedding cake after the wedding and proceeded to eat the whole damn thing. Okay, J and the girls helped, a little bit. I ate it and I gained every pound back and it was GOOD and I don't regret it one bit. Now I'm ready to lose it again. Until the next whole cake falls into my lap! And I'll eat that one too without regret.
4. Call Justin and bitch. DING DING DING DING! Winner! My poor husband. Good thing he thinks I'm sexy.
So I called the Mr. at work and sobbed and had a little fit and told him I knew that I was having a fit and I didn't know what the hell to do with my day now. And you know what he said? "Honey, go home and create something beautiful for our house." Sometimes I think he actually knows me. hehe! Oh boy, he hit a nerve. I immediately knew exactly what I wanted to do and I went home and did THIS:
That there would be a piece of thin wood paneling that we took out of our kitchen when we tore out the built in refrigerator that was here when we moved in.
So, I know it's not fancy and might possibly look like a 10 yo painted it in art camp. Keep in mind here that I've NEVER PAINTING ANYTHING BEFORE IN MY LIFE. Besides walls and furniture. I've crackle painted a desk once. And painted squares onto a wall with an elaborate grid of painter's tape once. But this mixing, and making things look like real things. Nope, just started yesterday. I like it. It worked. I was HAPPY as a clam when I went to see Cannon at lunch and now this is in our living room. :)
